A Ride I’ll Never Forget
Patient’s Final Moments: The first time I witnessed someone die in front of me will stay with me for a long time. I was only eighteen, early in my EMT experience, and transporting a patient home from the hospital while my colleague drove the ambulance. The patient was an eighty-seven-year-old man, nonverbal and on hospice, who had chosen to spend his final days surrounded by family.
My job was to monitor his vitals in the back. I spoke to him softly, took his blood pressure and pulse, and occasionally heard a faint groan. The drive was just twenty minutes—but the last five changed me.
The Moment Everything Changed
As we neared his home, his pulse weakened dramatically. I checked again—nothing. His breathing, which had been shallow, was now absent. Panic set in. Should I start CPR? But he had a DNR order. I told my partner, and he calmly said, “We’re almost there—I’ll check.”
It felt so wrong to do nothing. I kept staring at his face, silently pleading that he was still alive. Surely someone’s final moments shouldn’t happen with a stranger in the back of a vehicle.
The Homecoming
Once we arrived and placed him in his hospice bed, we were surrounded by his wife, sons, and nurse. The nurse pronounced his time of death. His wife’s words broke me:
“You just wanted to get home, I know. You can go peacefully. We’ll be OK.”
I teared up. My colleague gently suggested I excuse myself while he comforted the family and collected the necessary signatures. Watching him handle that moment with grace and strength left me both in awe and ashamed of my own emotional response.
Seven Years Later
Now, as a third-year medical student, I still reflect on that day. I haven’t yet witnessed another death firsthand, but I notice that clinical rotations have begun to numb my reactions. Prognoses are grim so often that emotional responses can feel like a liability. Patient’s Final Moments
But I hope to strike a balance. I want to retain the empathy that moved me so deeply that day, while also developing the strength to support patients and families without falling apart. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll come to see that deep compassion isn’t a weakness—it’s the foundation of human connection in medicine.
By Ruchika Moturi, Medical Student
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