The Dream Turned Nightmare
Since I was 12, I dreamt of becoming a doctor. My role model was Dr. Helen Nash, one of the first Black female pediatricians in St. Louis. Her compassion and competence left a deep mark on me. Medicine became my calling. I worked tirelessly through high school, college, medical school, and residency to make that dream a reality. But no one told me that this dream could turn into a nightmare. Protect Doctors
The Weight of the White Coat
For years, I thrived under the pressure of medicine’s demands. During the pandemic, I worked 80-hour weeks in the ER, responding to every call for help while neglecting my own needs. The constant exposure to trauma, death, and suffering began to wear me down. I didn’t just witness these tragedies—I internalized them.
I’ve experienced situations where paramedics and police brought patients in after horrific accidents. These first responders were required to attend counseling before returning to work. However, there was no such mandate for me, even though I faced the same traumatic events. Doctors are expected to power through pain and exhaustion as if we’re invincible, but we’re not.
As time went on, I became overweight, burned out, and severely depressed. Dark thoughts crept in, including suicidal ideation. Tragically, a colleague who also felt overwhelmed by the pressures of the profession took their own life. Physicians die by suicide at a rate of nearly one per day. Each year, we lose an entire medical school class to this crisis.
Despite being surrounded by healthcare professionals, I felt isolated. The system offered no automatic help. No support was embedded within the structure. But it should have been. Protect Doctors
From Flatline to Fulfillment
In May 2024, I gave a TEDx Talk titled Emotional Flatline, where I shared my journey through burnout and the emotional toll of working in high-stress environments. Speaking about my struggles was cathartic, but it sparked something much greater within me—a passion for advocating change in how we care for doctors.
Doctors need support systems as much as—or more than—our patients. We must have structured mental health resources, peer support programs, and systemic changes that recognize the emotional toll of our work. Protect Doctors
When the Dream Becomes a Nightmare
During high school, our cheerleaders would chant, “Go! Fight! Win!” That mantra now feels oddly fitting. The fight isn’t just about surviving shifts or managing impossible workloads. The real fight is transforming medicine itself.
We must stand up against a system that treats doctors as disposable. We must reimagine medical practice and residency training to prioritize well-being. Creating a supportive community where we share ideas and solutions is essential to fostering a culture that values doctors as much as the patients we care for.
I envision a future where mental health support for doctors isn’t optional but standard protocol. Counseling after traumatic events should be routine. Physicians should have the time, tools, and permission to care for themselves.
A Call to Action
The stakes are incredibly high. This is a matter of life and death—not just for patients, but for us, as physicians. We have the power to change the narrative and create a reality where medicine is sustainable, humane, and fulfilling.
So, what should you do when the dream becomes a nightmare? You fight to rewrite the story. Together, we can reclaim the dream of medicine before it’s too late.
To learn more, visit Stanford Physician Advocate.